Assalamualaikum wbt.

Lately, I keep on thinking how ungrateful I have been, I tend to forget that He is the One who gave me everything.

Few nights ago, my friend told me something that made me realised something that I didn't see. It was a good one, of course. Then I started to think do my deeds all this time are enough?, I couldn't imagine how my life would be in the hereafter, and I cried. I had to say this, I am that type of girl who imagines and dreams over very beautiful life to happen, I couldn't stop saying about how my wedding would be and how my husband would treat me in the future.

For a second, I thought that I wasted so much time thinking over useless things. I wondered, where did I go wrong? I missed that feeling when I decided to change, in another word which is "hijrah". Diana Amir was the one who inspired me to be a better muslimah, still, Allah SWT was the one who gave the hidayah for me to change. It was a good one, I cried in my sujud and asked Allah SWT to forgive the sins that I made all this while. Hijrah was never an easy journey, I had to struggle to get closer to Allah or being left out in the family. I started my hijrah by wearing socks whenever I went out, and then I started to cover my aurah properly and it was hard, with the never-so-support from my family.

I asked Allah SWT to give me strength, I didn't want to be negligented with the beautiful dunya anymore. In the end, I slowly managed to istiqamah myself to cover my aurah properly Alhamdulillah. I put my faith in Him, and He helped me to ease my niat. I missed that feeling where I got to chance to taste the beautiful of iman. I never wanted to forget how I felt when I first hijrah. Unfortunately, I didn't really spend my time with Allah SWT when I enrolled to a boarding school. I knew and aware-d that my life wasn't this way.

Home was so much better, I always have time for al-Quran and now it was about how to manage time properly. I missed to cry in sujud that I wanted to say I missed Him, to be so close to Allah SWT. The worst part is, it only happened few times in asrama. I didn't blame myself that I was placed there. Maybe Allah SWT wanted to test me, and I failed, literally. I was to into studies and barely made time for al-Quran and few others ibadah that I always do when I wasn't in asrama yet. I realised something wasn't right, I tried to think why I changed and what made me changed? It wasn't a good alteration, a bad one ok.

I took the initiative to try again, back from the zero. Slowly got closer to Allah, and be nice to people around me. I didn't want to succeed without the barakah from Him. Then, if I didn't get good results, at least I know I tried my best. and I know Allah would give me something better in the future, in shaa Allah. and now, I would keep my momentum till my last breathe in shaa Allah. I didn't want to be far from Allah SWT anymore, to be closed with Him is easy, to taste the sweetness of being loved by Allah SWT something I rarely got.

I hope these few weeks of holidays would make me closer to Allah SWT. I miss going to agama classes with my family, not going to blame the fate that I am in boarding school. Agama classes every Thursdays and Tuesdays with ustazah helped me a lot to be a better daughter to my parents. It saddens me that I don't get those good times like that in my school. so many good things I left for something that I don't even sure if I can achieve it or not. I pray that my decision to move wasn't a bad idea, in fact a good one that Allah placed me over there.

Hijrah was so much fun, I am thankful with who am I today. Alhamdulillah. If Allah SWT didn't wake me up and gave the hidayah for me, most probably I would be the old me and I won't feel something that is beautiful and it was myself who could feel it and I didn't know how to express to others. SubhanAllah. It's been almost 2 years that I started to cover my aurah properly, and socks, handsocks are so my best friends now. And now, if syaitans do their job by whispering to my ears to not wear socks whenever I am going out even for awhile, I would think of my dad. I don't want myself be the reason why he has to be in neraka and not syurga. I want to be the daughter that will bring her parents to Jannah Firdaus. In shaa Allah :) and the best part of dakwah is always when people could accept what you said and they slowly to make a change for themselves. I am so proud of my mum and sister now, even though they didn't support me at all when I decided to change. Not saying they are not wearing hijab, they do it's just I hope you get what I meant tho. But wtv let's don't look at the past, they are making great alteration to be better, it feels good to see the effort from them to change. Alhamdulillah.

In the end, my hijrah would never be easy and I am thankful that Allah SWT gave the strength for me to istiqamah doing the good deeds. I deleted my Twitter account because of good reason. My friends came to me and asked why did I decide to delete them, and they even said I should have been rugi because I had so many followers and I laughed. Followers won't bring me anywhere. They could have followed me on Twitter if my tweets were only good enough but then no, my tweets were all lagha. I do miss having an account, I created a new one few weeks later then I got the feeling I shouldn't go back to something that I left. My life is so much better now without Twitter, I only have Instagram which will be deleted soon, in shaa Allah. or I would stop posting photos of me selfies hm haha. and I am here to share why I deleted my Twitter account, the reason was I didn't want Allah to ask me why I tweeted lagha yet I had so many followers. I didn't tweet something good and I am scared tbh, then I deleted my Twitter account without hesitancy at all. I had the niat to do so, it just I didn't know when was the right time for me to do that. I found the right time and moment, it was the first day of Ramadhan, with bismillahirahmanirahim and niat that Allah would keep me away from those lagha thing, I pressed the delete account or something similar saying to that haha. I do miss tweeting, but the desire for me to leave those lagha stuff way stronger than anything. MasyaAllah. I don't even care if people say I am kolot or whatever, I am scared of Allah SWT. I don't want to die with sins and left the world with full of ignorance. Alhamdulillah, slowly Allah has shown me the good sides of not having Twitter, maybe He doesn't want me to feel sad if people say I am so outdated, because He knows that I want to be closed to Him. so now it's just when will I stop posting photos of me selfie? I will one day because oh come on, I survived this Twitter thingy ok. Pray for me, dearest friends :-)

In a nutshell, I am blessed. and I forgot when was the last time I cried in sujud asking Allah for His forgiveness. Gotta use these holidays and manage my time wisely. I would balance my dunya and akhirah very well. It doesn't matter if I don't get the straight As and get a good job and have a beautiful family, because I could have them in Jannah or even something better later on. What matters most is, to always remember Allah SWT and does whatever He asks me to and leave what He forbids us from doing. In shaa Allah with the good niats that I have, Allah would make it easy for me. Allahuma Amin! :) I pray that my friends for endless success in dunya and akhirat as well. Let's be neighbours in Jannah.

p/s: Don't be offended about the Twitter part, it's just my opinions and I wanted to delete it so yea. You can tweet something that you want to, maybe just don't tweet something that would make you suffer in hereafter, you don't want Allah to ask you why you tweeted that and you are not able to answer it kan? It's up to you anyway. I am sorry if anyone of you are offended.

I hope a lil bit helps you to change, may He gives the hidayah in you. This would be the longest post I have ever write since my first post. Till we meet again. :-) X