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سارة هنناني


as I'm writing this, please get in your mind that it is based on my life experience & preferences:

I figure out one of my close friends who went through a hard time (read: the partner left my friend) for someone else and what makes me sad is that it was his first time liking someone, or in other word - his first love.

To make it short, this close friend of mine, let's call him Z, was in a relationship with a girl for quite long enough, then suddenly I knew that girl is with someone else already. It breaks my heart twice first because my close friend didn't tell me, second because I knew his love for that girl was true. Up till this day, I have heard so many love stories from my close friends, be it confused feelings, the spark isn’t there like how it used to or it doesn’t feel the same anymore and etc.

I'd never thought how a person could affect someone's life that it's either make or break you. and yes, I had my first heartbreak and it was awful that I pray none of my close friends will ever go through what I had. Surprisingly, it happened sooner than what I’ve expected but that was a long time ago (not that long)

Even though I have never been in a relationship before, but the misery itself taught me a lot that I am pretty much able to put my place in my friends’ situation. Things happened, I learned, I moved on and I never been happier ever since.

Back to this Z-story, I feel bad for him that she took him for granted, never liked the girl in the first-place pun as I’ve been hearing unpleasant gossips about her so I wasn’t that surprised but they lasted longer than I’ve predicted. I talked to Z since what I went through was likely the same – heartbreak.

When it was my time, my friends were all there for me, I didn’t feel alone, not a single bit. I remembered; Sab was constantly checking on me the whole week. The first thing I saw on my phone everyday was WhatsApp message – “Sarah, okay dah?” “Sarah, have a great day ahead!”, then Farah made time to call me despite her busy schedule, and John annoyingly asking if I’m doing well (wuv you, babe). I was lucky, and I’m grateful for amazing friends, always.

I wanted to do the same to Z, but I’d never think I’ll able to do what my friends did for me back then. Then, I told him I surely know how he feels at the moment even he didn’t say it. Z said he never talked about it to anyone because he didn’t want people to see how fragile he is. Truth is, that is one of the features of feelings.

Feelings itself is a solid noun, and what makes it unique is that you can have different emotions at one time – mixed feelings. It is okay to cry if you just got break up and I don’t think you look less macho pun. Cry all you want if that will help you ease your heartache, shout if you have to because as far as I’m concerned, keeping everything to yourself is unhealthy.


In my humble opinion, cheating is a choice, being loyal to your partner is a choice too, you decide to stay or leave. Even liking someone else when you are with someone else is a tiny chance created by yourself. If you ask me personally what do I think about kesetiaan (loyalty) – it presents you as a whole, and for me, loyalty comes with a price, can you afford it? It comes with respect, honesty, trust which made it likely a diamond. Once you crack or accidentally drop it, it might unbreakable but there will be scratches somewhere that it won’t be the same anymore.

To anyone who is having a likely tough time in moving on or middle of tension situation with your partner, please prioritize yourself before anyone else. I might sound selfish but you are your longest commitment after all so do what makes you happy and what you think the best for you. Know your worth and if your partner makes you a better person, that’s a good sign. Girls will radiantly glow more than ever if they are with the right people, just like what I see in my close friend. She went through a lot, and I’m glad she found someone who makes her happy the way she deserves to!

My advice is time will definitely heal, let it go and let God. It took me quite some time to move on as well, but I've learned to love myself even more throughout the way. It is okay to cry every night before sleep; it doesn’t make you look any less weak because we humans have feelings. I’ll pray that the day of – you realized that you just don’t care about him/her anymore, and completely erased whatever nightmares you had, and trust me, there will be a person who will take your pain away in shaa Allah aamiin! If you are brave enough to love, then you are bold enough for inhuman heartbreaks.

Love cannot be found where it does not exist nor can it be hidden where it truly does – William Shakespeare
September 22, 2019 2 comments

I was 14 years old when Habibie & Ainun The Movie was released, it was the 2012 blockbuster movie in Indonesia. I watched it online and ended up crying a river.

That was the time I knew about BJ Habibie, or better called as, Eyang Habibie. I learned more about him after I watched the movie and I fell in love with him ever since. BJ Habibie is an Indonesian engineer and politician who was the third president of Indonesia.

I keep myself updated about him and honestly, Eyang is one of the people I look up to. I might be a Malaysian, and perhaps I don’t deserve the mourn the same as Indonesians are but BJ Habibie has been the figure that kept myself inspired in certain ways so I couldn’t lie to grief over his death.



Even though I might not really know what he had contributed to Indonesia, but his love story leaves a mark in my heart that I am always inspired how loyal, truth and sincere of Eyang Habibie was and is to his wife.

The one and only thing I love most about Eyang is his love for his wife, Eyang Ainun is incredibly priceless. They both are one of the few lucky couples who able to meet their cinta sejati (true love) and I truly believe they both were made for each other, not only in dunya but also the afterlife.  

The day Eyang Ainun left him, it was told that Eyang went through a hard time that doctor advised him to do something that could make him happy so he chose to write the book, Habibie & Ainun – how Ainun was the reason for him to able achieve his dreams and never leave. Some would definitely say that the book is made from love, tears and longing of someone you love.

From the movie, it shows how strong Eyang Ainun is despite the challenges she had to face. She even kept it a secret of her illness from her husband, not wanting him to worry about her and said, “Aku harus kuat. Bangsa ini sedang membutuhkan suamiku..”

The scripts were amazing – they were deep and meaningful.

I remember one of the scenes that get me was when Eyang Ainun was holding onto life machine, and her good friend, Arlis asked Eyang Habibie to let her go but he insisted not to because he wanted to give back what Eyang Ainun had sacrificed for him.

Then Arlis said,

"Dia tidak pernah merasa berkorban. Dia telah memilih kamu, Rudy...sejak kamu datang ke rumah malam itu..."

My heart stopped and I only realized I was drenched with tears on my face. Based on stories and interviews, Eyang Ainun was always there for him, every step of the way, sticking by his side even when Eyang Habibie had nothing.



Ainun back in Bandung was waiting to be betrothed to the right person by her father and at the same time Habibie was brought back to Indonesia to rest before continuing the rest of his studies, later he and Ainun finally met each other again. Fate brought them together while death detached them apart.

Ainun had the chance to choose someone better than Habibie who was richer, someone, with a stable job but she didn't. She chose Rudy Habibie who had nothing to be his life partner. This is proof that money and wealth don’t guarantee someone will like you back because love can’t be forced.

Eyang Ainun was a doctor before and she decided to be a full-time housewife, devoting herself fully to her other half, Rudy Habibie and family after she got married. She let go of her professional carrier to raise her children by herself and she never regretted it.


It has been 9 years since Eyang Ainun left, but Eyang Habibie said, she never left him because to him, her presence is always there...in his heart. There was an interview on Eyang visiting Eyang Ainun’s grave – and I could see that his love for Eyang Ainun never fades away, perhaps his love grows deeper each day. Even if it’s an interview, but all I could see was natural and pure love.

Based on the video, it was said that Eyang never missed on visiting his wife’s grave every week and brought Eyang Ainun’s favourite flower, Bunga Sedap Malam to be placed on the grave. Now, Bunga Sedap Malam may not be there anymore, replacing with Eyang Habibie by her side, untuk selamanya.


I encountered puisi made by Eyang for his love life, Eyang Ainun a few years ago which he wrote with his heart, love, and tears...


Habibie & Ainun is proof that true love does exist, and even in his book, Eyang Habibie emphasized on behind every great man, there’s a great woman. Dan wanita hebat itu, Hasri Ainun Habibie.

 Eyang, kepermegianmu mungkin akan menyakitkan kami tapi kami perlu ikhlas untuk melepaskan. Jasa dan pengorbanan untuk ibu Pertiwimu akan sentiasa dikenang oleh seluruh penduduk Indonesia dan itu pasti. Terima kasih Eyang kerana sudah mengajar aku erti cinta walau kita tidak pernah bertemu.


"Cinta kita melukiskan sejarah, menggelarkan cerita penuh sukacita, 
sehingga siapa pun insan Tuhan pasti tahu cnta kita sejati" - Bunga Cinta Lestari"

"Mengapa dahulu, tak ku ucapkan aku mencintaimu sejuta kali sehari" - Maudy Ayunda

"Mereka sekarang bisa bersatu dalam akhirat, sesuatu yang didambakan oleh bapak sejak ibu wafat." - Ilham Habibie

"Namun jika aku punya kesempatan untuk hidup lagi, aku akan tetap memilihmu..." - Ainun Habibie

“Terima kasih Allah Kau telah ciptakan aku untuk Ainun dan Ainun untuk aku.” - BJ Habibie



Selamat merayakan peretemuan kembali bersama Ainun-mu, Eyang. Istirehat dan damailah Eyang Habibie dan belahan jiwamu di keabadian.

September 13, 2019 No comments
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an old soul who lives in the 21st century. A place that I look to express what I feel and also my endless thoughts. I write more than 140 words and I share my stories in details so that if I miss those little moments I had, I can always read them again.

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