“Holding onto a grudge is within our control. And having past unresolved issues is out of our control. If we hold onto anger, hate and ill feelings then we are holding a grudge. If we try to forgive and make a conscious effort yet are still disturbed – is when you have no control over your emotions. And that means you have unresolved previous issues." 

I was skimming through an article when I saw the sayings above, and I have been wanting to write about forgiveness since last year sadly that I am too lazy to blog and brain wasn't giving so much fresh ideas to write.

What do you think about forgiving? Are you that type of person who forgives and forgets or you remain silence and act like never happened and when something turns up you bring up the past? Which one are you? Bro, if you are reading this, I quoted what you told me that day.

I would say I am the former type however, I can be the latter at times. Everyone makes mistakes, there is no way we are perfect and also, we tend to intentionally or unintentionally do what Allah SWT forbids us, for instance, gossiping, wasting time, and sometimes we even missed our Fajr prayer. Have you ever wonder that we are living the next day because He gives us another day to repent and yet, we never seize the opportunity. This applies to our lives.

What makes you think that not everyone deserves a second chance? True that words are easier said than done. But don't ever forget that Allah SWT is The Most Forgiving and Merciful. He created us, and if Allah SWT forgive us, why can't we do the same? In Quran, Allah SWT mentioned in surah Az-Zumar,

To be honest, I have never realized that forgiving is just a right action to be done. I have experienced friends cutting me off from their lives, and I swear to God, there was never a day passed by I have them in my mind anymore. Joking. If were to say I would forget someone who meant something to me, as in, good or close friends, I was lying. I have a soft heart, #hatitisu ok.

Ok right, back to the main topic of forgiving, how do you forgive? How long it takes for you to forgive? Since this is my blog hence I would like to share some of my stories that I believed worth to be shared even they are nothing to you but they mean a lot to me.

I experienced people talk behind my back when they were actually nice in front of me. I am not being pathetic, people talk anyways. I am not that type who hate people without having the solid reasons to. I am not nice either but if I happen end up hating that particular person, there is must be a reason why. For example, would you hate someone whom you haven't met in person just because you heard the ugly stories of that person because someone told you so. Would you? Don't you think it's unfair because "that someone" might create her own stories or added a little spice to make the unamusing gossips turn to be really spicy. 

Honestly, if you ask 14 year old Sarah Hannani, I would choose to hate rather than try to be nice with that person. However, as I have grown older, and I learned a lot for the past few years. Mistakes are always meant to teach us so that we won't screw up in the future. wow what a perfect line! Thank you Harvey Specter for inspiring me in writing and making good lines even they are not bombastic but at least I tried.

A good friend of mine once made me feel offended by his actions and it was awful. I started to hate him. I even insisted to cut him off from my life. It's a long story but I'll make it short, he said sorry face to face and I am more than glad that he did because soon after that it felt really good, maybe I forgot the feeling of hating someone and to be able abolished whatever shouldn't be in mind is amazing. I have decided to forgive and forget. and to let go and move on. We are good now, even better than previously. Never regret in forgiving.

Moving on to another story, a friend of mine whom I talk to everyday since years ago, a best friend I would say because we have been knowing since high school. It feels surreal that we always had each other back then. and something happened.

I knew it was coming. I knew it was going to happen, sooner or later it would happen in the end. My instinct was right, in fact my gut feeling was never wrong in some ways. Let's called this person, "L" and L for Liam Henstridge, #loyals. Liam decided to cut off his old friends for something that I believed he chose what's best for him. Even if he left us all behind, he is my friend, therefore my prayers are always with him.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't sad, I was. and again, I asked myself why? Questions after questions that I never dared to ask remain unanswered. I remember the day when Weena reminded me not to hate Liam Henstridge since that person and I were really nice to each other. Once you cut me off, we are obviously strangers again. 

By mean strangers is, you have your way and I'll have mine. I hate myself not to forgive, I hate myself when I hate someone, it doesn't feel good at all. It feels as I am continuously committing a sin. Well it is, isn't?

In Quran, we are taught to make peace with our brothers and sisters. Al-‘Afuw is a part of forgiveness. This name is mentioned in the Quran five times. Literally the word ‘Afw means “to release,” “to heal”, as well as “to restore, to remit.” 

I would always end up forgive people. We all have to okay? As soon as I let my anger, hatred, and vengeance out, it feels as if all the burden descended on my shoulders. It was very good feeling. I felt so free.

Forgiving is all about moving on. You let yourself to be happy. The scars would stay, really, but as for me, I would say that I feel like a brand new person. Bear in mind that we deserve kindness and the goods around us, same goes to whoever had wronged you. Say sorry. Put your ego aside.

Forgiving is also a healing process. It takes time but never stop trying to forgive. However, the longer you hold a grudge, the longer you are hurting yourself. Embrace forgiveness, give them chance. You are not a loser if you are the first to say sorry. Indeed, you are the winner. Think of the good days before sh*t happened.

Days have been really tough lately, I am taking back whatever I have said on my previous post. Cause I am going to resit for my MGT300 paper. To whoever created this mess, you better be ready, cause if I were to get 4 flat for sem 3 in shaa Allah kalau ada rezeki, I want to thank you for making it easy for me. As hard to let it go, fret not, your apology is accepted even if you never planned to do so. I hope you realized that you had caused inconvenience to others and I pray that everyone is nice enough to forgive you.

Anyway, I have been watching some English Series and I realised that I learn a lot by watching that helps me to enhance my vocabulary so that I can write better, including cursing. Gotta blame Princess Eleanor for that. I thought I was turning into a British since I have been practicing British accent quite some days after watching The Royals, then I started to watch Suits, and I thought I was an American. Later on, I had dinner with sambal belacan then I realised I am actually Malay and I am proud :') Kelakar kan? I know I am funny thanks in advance people.

If you watched my Instagram stories, surely it's pretty obvious that I am busy with English series currently, while juggling to memorize MGT300 which will be on the 26th. Juggling ke? Macam teruk sangat je kan dengarnya, and my MUET is on 27th. The pressure is real. Do pray for me earthlings. Semoga segala urusan saya dan rakan-rakan dipermudahkan. In shaa Allah aamiin ya rabbal alamin. Salam UiTM is coming in less than a week, and #sisredho sepenuhnya. Not expecting anything but whatever our results would be, they are the best for us. #note2self

I believe you know yourself better than anyone else does. If you haven't talked to each other for awhile, be the first one to say Hi. Do not end a friendship that you had. Keep in touch would suffice, but never let the friendship ends. Why choose hate instead of love, this question makes sense that everyone has choices. It's either the good ones, or bad ones. You decide. #spreadingpositivevibes