Tribute to a friend who lost to cancer - she tried to stay but Allah called her, and she had to go.
The day was 2nd January 2019.
I was sleeping soundly at home and I heard my phone rang twice but I couldn't care less to answer because the weather was windy and calm that night. My phone started to beat due to numerous notifications received yet I still thought my friends were asking to go out the next day since I am surrounded with last-minute-plans-humans. I promptly set my phone to airplane mode. How ignorant I was, you tell me.
I checked my phone after my Subuh prayers, and the first thing I read was,
"Ella dah tkde"
My heart stopped for awhile. It was news I was not expecting and not prepared for
at all. I didn't even get the chance to have her read the piece I was supposed to make for her on my blog.
I guess the sayings of,
"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone"
is so relatable currently. I had the chance to write some good things or any moments I had with her but I chose not to, because I thought, there is still a lot of time. My brain was telling she is not dying anytime soon. What was I even thinking, I am somehow forgot that I am not God who knows one's death date.
She fought a brave and strong battle for not even a year, approximately 5 months after she was diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia (ALL). Someone who was practising with healthy and adventurous lifestyle down with cancer had definitely left us all in shocked. How was that even possible? Her semester break was always filled with outdoor activities, and countless travelling and places she would go to explore. She was physically fit as fiddle I tell you.
When I heard the news of my friend was a positive blood cancer, I was shocked. Having a close friend who was diagnosed with malignant growth in body at very young age was probably the last thing I have in mind. I didn't know what to do and it took for me awhile to finally able digest her written fate. I straight away scrolled her name in my WhatsApp contacts, and text her that she would be okay and not to worry. I just wanted to keep her spirits up.
Ever since she was admitted and treated in Hospital Sultanah Aminah, Johor Bahru, her absence in class felt by most of us. I never knew that her presence in class was significant till our tests, quizzes and task deadlines got clashed thus making us realize that all these while, it was her who negotiated with lecturers. She was the one who set the suitable dates to have quizzes, tests so that everyone would have ample time to study. Without having her in class, we had to face more than one test & quizzes in a week. It was chaotic.
She made it so easy for the whole class because she was the one who printed our notes, and past semesters' questions. We had to do by ourselves when she wasn't around during last semester. We all have that one classmate who is the living-reminder - that always remind the class; to study if there's quiz during the week, left friendly reminder upon the last date to send assignments in WhatsApp group and the one who always be the middle person between classmates and lecturers. And, that one classmate is her.
Being the cheeky friend, to annoy my friends continually is kind of my thing. I loved to tease her, not only her but everyone. Whenever it's Wednesday, I would always greet her with, "Assalamualaikum, Puan" since she would be wearing her SUKSIS uniform. Sigh. It was always fun to have her around as she would record videos of her friends and also classmates, and she loved taking photos just like us girls do.
There was this time, she whatsApp-ed me out of the blue telling she was scared for her MUET because she accidentally sent the wrong paper. Sarah being Sarah, I told her that Allah is The Greatest. Mungkin kita terhantar salah, but who knows yang salah tu boleh jadi betul. Dengan izin Allah. That's when I knew she was one of my blog readers. She said, "thank you Sarah. I selalu kalau rasa down, mesti I baca blog you. Sebab post you semua positive" That means A LOOT TO ME. MasyaAllah. She always has the good things to say and I'm lucky to be friend with her even only for a short period of time.
This beautiful woman, inside and out, was a wonderful friend to me, she might not really my best friend whom I share most of my little thoughts, asking advises like how I would with my own best friends but we both talk frequently be it during class or outside. We could buy food together at the IFC or PaMa, and I once had the chance to be her group mate for an assignment. She lived by the importance of being authentic with people, saying what needs to be said because it’s good for the relationship and for the soul. Also, I always admired how she never judged her opinions on anyone, but offered valuable and truthful advice that I will surely miss.
When I was going through the hectic weeks last semester, she replied to one of my Ig story and said, "Kalau Ella jadi Sarah pun mungkin Ella pun lupa diri sendiri jugak." At the moment, I knew, I wasn't being dramatic. Instead, she was the one who encouraged me to stay true with what I am doing and also to myself. She told me not to give up because I am almost done already.
She visited us in UiTM Johor, I wanted to cry once I saw her. Her body was thin by then but her spirits to fight and believe she would win the battle undoubtedly huge. We talked, and laughed as we brought her along to Breast Cancer Support Society Segamat center, she seemed happy even though deep inside we all knew she was tired due to her latest chemotherapy treatment. That was the first and the last time I met her after her cancer diagnosis, I didn't know I wouldn't have any more chances to be able sit with her, sharing stories and thinking of what the future holds for us.
During my friend’s illness, I know that there were two things that kept her going, her family and hope, otherwise to face another day would have been tough. I envy her because her hope and faith in Allah was infinity and beyond.
I once told her, "Kalau Sarah ada kat tempat Ella, Sarah tak mungkin sekuat Ella" and she said,
"Perancangan Allah tu kan indah. Takde yang salah."
Deep. Smack right in the face.
She took each day in stride, never complaining, instead she was grateful for the disease because she believed sakit itu penghapus dosa. Allahuakbar, she was indeed a true fighter. My hope was the treatments would finally end so she could get on with her life. To be honest, I'd never thought she would go too fast that I didn't get to say goodbye. I hope she forgives me for not even have a post she once requested, and that would be my biggest regret.
I wish I
would have been able to say goodbye to you. I wish that I would have made more
time to visit you. I am sorry for not being there in
the end. I hope you know that I never thought any less of our friendship.I somehow miss the WhatsApp stories of your life that you kept posted that I used to find annoying. I pray all the
time for your family and friends, and I pray that you are in a better place now, in shaa Allah syurga tempatmu, sahabat.
You know how they say that everyone enters your life for a
reason? I wholeheartedly believe that to be true. My late friend has contributed
to who I am in some way and I am grateful for that. Seeing many people came to
pay their last respects certainly show that she would have a very special place
in our hearts. Having the privileged to have you as my classmate and a
friend was an honor, and I can’t thank God enough for crossing our paths.
There was Almahrum Tunku Jalil in her, she was a fighter just like Jalil. She kept on saying, "I will fight like Jalil", and she did. She tried with all her heart to stay for us, but Allah called her, and she had to go.
If there is anything I learned from Arwah Ella, it is that time is gold. We never know when will be the last time we see someone. I have learned to make more time for the people I care about, be a text or phone call, I make the time now. To each person you care about and love — make sure they know. Enjoy your time with them and make as many memories as you can. You will never know the important of all these little things, you never learn how to appreciate until that someone is gone.
If there is anything I learned from Arwah Ella, it is that time is gold. We never know when will be the last time we see someone. I have learned to make more time for the people I care about, be a text or phone call, I make the time now. To each person you care about and love — make sure they know. Enjoy your time with them and make as many memories as you can. You will never know the important of all these little things, you never learn how to appreciate until that someone is gone.
To my beautiful friend who was taken too soon, at the age of 22, I love
you and miss you.
I’ll see you again, my dearest friend,
Norela Asmida Binti Sallih
I’ll see you again, my dearest friend,
Norela Asmida Binti Sallih
Al-Fatihah
1 comments
I am Ella's sister. got notification from my dear friend about your touched blogspot popost about my sister when I woke up this morning. I straight away open your story and felt pumping at heart at the same time. I felt so close to your story that I sob and cry very hard. Thank you for being her good friend where she could get all the positive vibe in the world. I love her very much that until now I persuade my mind saying she's still at the hospital. But in the end. I persuade my heart to let her hand go. It will never be. She will still in our heart and memories forever. ❤
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