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سارة هنناني

I was going through my timeline on Instagram then I saw a post with huge headline saying - inappropriate photos of these public figures went viral on the Internet. Being the makcik bawang I am, and how clueless I was because I never owned a Twitter account - I scrolled down the comments to keep myself updated. 

Then only I knew what was really happening. When I was reading comments from netizens, there was this comment that caught my eyes which was from a person who commented that the actress has always on - off when wearing hijab but she seemed to wear hijab all the time on social media. I mean, some people saw and witnessed her; free-hair outside and that's that. I am here not to membuka aib anyone, but I feel like sharing my personal thoughts upon the incident.

To move from one place to another or in Islam, we named it as hijrah - it has always been the most beautiful phase to anyone who was given the hidayah and guidance to change for the better. Hijrah for many of us is when someone who chooses to put on hijab, and slowly trying to get close to Allah SWT. I always get excited whenever a friend of mine decided to cover up. Alhamdulillah. 

However, these days, it seems as if wearing a hijab more likely becoming a trend instead of pleasing Allah SWT. I am not going to touch on how someone styles its hijab, labuh or not, covering chest or not if thats what people call it. Wearing a hijab isn't about keeping ourselves updated with fashion-trend, it is so much more, the inner peace and contentment that we feel inside matters the most. So when do you think it's the perfect time to wear hijab?

If you were to ask me, I would say, do it when you are ready. When I say ready it means when you have found the right reason to change that you will keep close to your heart, and you do it because the inner you want to, not because everyone around you wear hijab, not because you get tired when someone asks you when are you going to cover up and mainly, not because of fashion. The time will come, trust me and again, that is when you are all ready.

I am not saying nor encourage anyone not to wear hijab as soon as possible, but before you do, before you decide to embark the new phase of life - do check your nawaitu, whether if you really want it or simply just because you want to own plethora of branded hijabs which people nowadays are so obsessed with. Scary isn't? We might have the intention to get close to our Creator, but we got off track with our purest intention throughout the way. That's the ujian that was sent indirectly to us.

Nevertheless, never stop searching for the right reason for you to become a better person. Everyone has its own ways in looking for the light and guidance of Allah SWT. Some have it easy while some are not, but we are created to always look for one and another; support each other and together we strive for eternal happiness in shaa Allah. Those who have it easy, who come from strong fundamental of religion should never looked down on people who are just not as lucky as you are. Help and guide them. 

Moving on to the next point which people nowadays love and very pro in it - cyber-bullying. Netizens mostly use abusive and harsh words when expressing on the Internet and it so unhealthy. Individuals tend to criticize any wrongdoers by insulting instead of advising. This world is so sick I tell you. People seem to have more than 24 hours - that they even have time looking for others' flaws and faults. Don't you all have better things to do?

I'd be saying that people nowadays have this kind of illness which is - tend to feel that they are BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE, hence the corrupted society we live in. It is okay to tell someone what is wrong and point out their mistakes but do it in a good way. Do not humiliate them by talking publicly; instead, talk to them nicely and privately. That's what advising is all about. But alas, people seem to enjoy making shame of someone mistakes without even thinking the consequences. Backlash look to be normal these days even though it projects negativity; social media used to be a good medium to share, to keep in touch with friends, but I guess it doesn't work like that anymore. 



Instead of showing hates, why not be the bigger person with bigger heart - tell them nicely and the least that we can do is to pray for them, pray that Allah SWT give them the hidayah to turn back to Him. I even noticed that netizens also left negative comments on one of the public figure's family member; social media. Tak cukup orang yang buat salah, dengan ahli keluarga diheret jugak. I find it is unnecessary to express your devastation and anger towards innocent person. Some even have the guts to question how they were raised up. Astghafirullahalazim. How did people get so outspoken nowadays, you tell me. I guess people are more satisfied when they see someone is drown and weak. Be the best version of you, stop all the hate and judging.

Same goes to our sisters who choose to free-hair; would you judge? have you judged? I'd say yes, I wouldn't want to lie. Tapi kita bukan Tuhan untuk menghukum, itu bukan tugas kita. Do not look down on these people - they have their own struggles and who knows, someday when they are on the right path again, they are two hundred percent better than us. We never know what the future holds for us so be kind, and think twice before you say anything. #note2self. 

We should be the good friend; remind them how Ar-Rahim; The Most Merciful has showered us with endless blessings, and help them to find themselves again. It doesn't need to be promptly, all that matters is effort, and never stop learning and grow from mistakes.  

There was one thing I've learnt from an ustaz over the past years, and I vividly remember his advise that I keep close to my heart up to this day - "merasakan diri lebih baik dari orang lain merupakan permulaan kepada segala kejahatan"; at first, I thought what is the correlation though? perasaan kita dengan orang, apa kaitan? We thought that we are good enough, lepastu lahir rasa takbur, lepas tu elok istiqamah, slowly we feel demotivated to continue. Sebab apa? Sebab kita fikir kita lebih baik dari semua orang. I've mentioned this before on my blog but I want to write it again, for a reminder to myself.


With advancement of technology we see, and the innovation we feel, as well as the modern it gets; the lesser the morale of a person it seems. I guess the civilized culture that were taught have slowly disappear without we realizing. Stop hating and spread the loves. Believe me, do good to others and the good will come to us. We are better than this, Malaysians. 
January 31, 2019 No comments
The day was 2nd January 2019.

I was sleeping soundly at home and I heard my phone rang twice but I couldn't care less to answer because the weather was windy and calm that night. My phone started to beat due to numerous notifications received yet I still thought my friends were asking to go out the next day since I am surrounded with last-minute-plans-humans. I promptly set my phone to airplane mode. How ignorant I was, you tell me.



I checked my phone after my Subuh prayers, and the first thing I read was,



"Ella dah tkde"


My heart stopped for awhile. It was news I was not expecting and not prepared for at all. I didn't even get the chance to have her read the piece I was supposed to make for her on my blog. 


I guess the sayings of,

    "The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone"  

is so relatable currently. I had the chance to write some good things or any moments I had with her but I chose not to, because I thought, there is still a lot of time. My brain was telling she is not dying anytime soon. What was I even thinking, I am somehow forgot that I am not God who knows one's death date. 


She fought a brave and strong battle for not even a year, approximately 5 months after she was diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia (ALL). Someone who was practising with healthy and adventurous lifestyle down with cancer had definitely left us all in shocked. How was that even possible? Her semester break was always filled with outdoor activities, and countless travelling and places she would go to explore. She was physically fit as fiddle I tell you.

When I heard the news of my friend was a positive blood cancer, I was shocked. Having a close friend who was diagnosed with malignant growth in body at very young age was probably the last thing I have in mind. I didn't know what to do and it took for me awhile to finally able digest her written fate. I straight away scrolled her name in my WhatsApp contacts, and text her that she would be okay and not to worry. I just wanted to keep her spirits up. 

Ever since she was admitted and treated in Hospital Sultanah Aminah, Johor Bahru, her absence in class felt by most of us. I never knew that her presence in class was significant till our tests, quizzes and task deadlines got clashed thus making us realize that all these while, it was her who negotiated with lecturers. She was the one who set the suitable dates to have quizzes, tests so that everyone would have ample time to study. Without having her in class, we had to face more than one test & quizzes in a week. It was chaotic.

She made it so easy for the whole class because she was the one who printed our notes, and past semesters' questions. We had to do by ourselves when she wasn't around during last semester. We all have that one classmate who is the living-reminder - that always remind the class; to study if there's quiz during the week, left friendly reminder upon the last date to send assignments in WhatsApp group and the one who always be the middle person between classmates and lecturers. And, that one classmate is her. 

Being the cheeky friend, to annoy my friends continually is kind of my thing. I loved to tease her, not only her but everyone. Whenever it's Wednesday, I would always greet her with, "Assalamualaikum, Puan" since she would be wearing her SUKSIS uniform. Sigh. It was always fun to have her around as she would record videos of her friends and also classmates, and she loved taking photos just like us girls do. 

There was this time, she whatsApp-ed me out of the blue telling she was scared for her MUET because she accidentally sent the wrong paper. Sarah being Sarah, I told her that Allah is The Greatest. Mungkin kita terhantar salah, but who knows yang salah tu boleh jadi betul. Dengan izin Allah. That's when I knew she was one of my blog readers. She said, "thank you Sarah. I selalu kalau rasa down, mesti I baca blog you. Sebab post you semua positive" That means A LOOT TO ME. MasyaAllah. She always has the good things to say and I'm lucky to be friend with her even only for a short period of time.

This beautiful woman, inside and out, was a wonderful friend to me, she might not really my best friend whom I share most of my little thoughts, asking advises like how I would with my own best friends but we both talk frequently be it during class or outside. We could buy food together at the IFC or PaMa, and I once had the chance to be her group mate for an assignment. She lived by the importance of being authentic with people, saying what needs to be said because it’s good for the relationship and for the soul. Also, I always admired how she never judged her opinions on anyone, but offered valuable and truthful advice that I will surely miss. 

When I was going through the hectic weeks last semester, she replied to one of my Ig story and said, "Kalau Ella jadi Sarah pun mungkin Ella pun lupa diri sendiri jugak." At the moment, I knew, I wasn't being dramatic. Instead, she was the one who encouraged me to stay true with what I am doing and also to myself. She told me not to give up because I am almost done already.

She visited us in UiTM Johor, I wanted to cry once I saw her. Her body was thin by then but her spirits to fight and believe she would win the battle undoubtedly huge. We talked, and laughed as we brought her along to Breast Cancer Support Society Segamat center, she seemed happy even though deep inside we all knew she was tired due to her latest chemotherapy treatment. That was the first and the last time I met her after her cancer diagnosis, I didn't know I wouldn't have any more chances to be able sit with her, sharing stories and thinking of what the future holds for us. 

During my friend’s illness, I know that there were two things that kept her going, her family and hope, otherwise to face another day would have been tough. I envy her because her hope and faith in Allah was infinity and beyond. 

I once told her, "Kalau Sarah ada kat tempat Ella, Sarah tak mungkin sekuat Ella" and she said, 
"Perancangan Allah tu kan indah. Takde yang salah."

Deep. Smack right in the face.


She took each day in stride, never complaining, instead she was grateful for the disease because she believed sakit itu penghapus dosa. Allahuakbar, she was indeed a true fighter. My hope was the treatments would finally end so she could get on with her life. To be honest, I'd never thought she would go too fast that I didn't get to say goodbye. I hope she forgives me for not even have a post she once requested, and that would be my biggest regret. 

I wish I would have been able to say goodbye to you. I wish that I would have made more time to visit you. I am sorry for not being there in the end. I hope you know that I never thought any less of our friendship.I somehow miss the WhatsApp stories of your life that you kept posted that I used to find annoying. I pray all the time for your family and friends, and I pray that you are in a better place now, in shaa Allah syurga tempatmu, sahabat. 

You know how they say that everyone enters your life for a reason? I wholeheartedly believe that to be true. My late friend has contributed to who I am in some way and I am grateful for that. Seeing many people came to pay their last respects certainly show that she would have a very special place in our hearts. Having the privileged to have you as my classmate and a friend was an honor, and I can’t thank God enough for crossing our paths.

There was Almahrum Tunku Jalil in her, she was a fighter just like Jalil. She kept on saying, "I will fight like Jalil", and she did. She tried with all her heart to stay for us, but Allah called her, and she had to go.


If there is anything I learned from Arwah Ella, it is that time is gold. We never know when will be the last time we see someone. I have learned to make more time for the people I care about, be a text or phone call, I make the time now. To each person you care about and love — make sure they know. Enjoy your time with them and make as many memories as you can. You will never know the important of all these little things, you never learn how to appreciate until that someone is gone. 
To my beautiful friend who was taken too soon, at the age of 22, I love you and miss you. 
I’ll see you again, my dearest friend,
Norela Asmida Binti Sallih


 


Al-Fatihah
January 21, 2019 1 comments
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