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سارة هنناني

Day - I don't know of MCO. Lost count already. I hope everyone is doing well wherever you are and whoever you are with at the moment. I wouldn't lie how chaotic the world has been for the past few weeks, covid-19 is no joke! 

My family and I are doing fine syukur Alhamdulillah, Kakak is working from home, my dad goes to work because he is in the essential services. He still opens his clinic for a limited time only so he'll be back before 5pm. Kiki is getting fatter each day and he got chased out by my dad because he kept wanting to go out! Then he didn't come back for a few days. That fat old cat is so annoying not even sure who is the boss.



It feels good to be back again after almost two months. I miss this space so much, I've always wanted to write more since it's MCO but that's just how I pictured myself to be, at least. The first 10 days were productive I tell you. I finished four books in two weeks, helped my brothers mowed the lawn, spring cleaning the whole house, rewatched my favourite drama and the list goes on. It was the peak of my 'bored to death' that I played Counter-Strike and got kicked out so many times. I fed up.

Then I started to play GTA again but it lasted for two days only as I find games are not my nature. I got back to reading, coming to this white site and stared at it for hours not knowing what to write. I am not sure if I am no longer interested in writing or I ran out of ideas to tell stories. I expect it to be the latter one as I can't think of anything else that I'm good at if I were to stop writing.

I was reading a history of procrastination book by Andrew Santella a few days ago, also marking my fifth book during MCO. I am surprised to know that even scholars and scientists procrastinate as the famous Charles Darwin was. In this way, we can all claim some blood relationship with him. I stumbled upon the sentence wrote by the author, where he called procrastination as "sloth in five syllables"

So apparently, I'm a sloth by heart.

Are we simply stupid or the thought of this can be done a night before; making us more productive than ever is the reason why we delay doing things? We are conscious of how little time left before the dateline yet we opt to do something else. I have learned that one of the basic rules of procrastination professed by Robert Benchley is
"Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment." 
I couldn't be more agreed with the American columnist.



I am always amused by my idiocy because no matter how many vows I had to myself that this would be the last time I had my assignment done last minute, I would most likely end up doing the same all over again. I believe it is not entirely about time management, but it is how to get things done correctly. We need to know where to begin if we are heading somewhere because, in every beginning, there is an end. Therefore, having a general conceptual about something is not enough as we still need a clear vision to be achieved.

When it comes to procrastination, the paradox is we suddenly become determined to do just about anything except for "that one thing." Based on my reading, it is said that procrastinators are able to keep them busy although they are avoiding their "actual work" which is precisely true. The fact that I actually know I shouldn't be doing the thing that I was currently doing makes it more illogical because why would I focus on non-urgent tasks, unnecessarily?

However, some psychologists think if postponement feeds our productivity or the deadline rush energizes us then we are not really procrastinating. If there is a good occasion to put a task off, then it is somehow acceptable. I love procrastinating yet I feel guilty for doing but I am not all that eager to stop. If procrastination were to have any goodness in it, certainly it will encourage us to ponder. It drives us to think about why we are doing what we are currently doing or not doing what we are not.

There was a time that I couldn't decide what I really wanted to do. Not only I couldn't decide whether I should procrastinate but what would be the next move that will lifelessly lead me to procrastination. I didn't want to do what I was, walking back and forth and getting nowhere. It reminded me of how important it is to have insight into what exactly is it that we want to accomplish, attain and obtain.



Indeed, it is hard to do things that we don't want to do or conversely, stop doing things we want to do. It always will be but we can get better at it if we let ourselves do so. The only excuse why it is difficult to solve is we deny that difficulty is inherent and acceptable. When things get hard, we tend to assume something is wrong so we look for ways to make things easier. It is normal wanting everything to be easy but then we wouldn't get to learn if it's in our comfort zone. When I was presenting BCSS at Project for Happiness two years ago, I remember the CEO himself, Mr Cheng told me that if it's easy then it's not learning.

We all have that devil in us who gives a false sense of gratification or satisfaction, hence stopping us from making a rational decision. But then, we know that is not a way to live. In all honesty, we have to finish off whatever we have started because we are not quitters, what more failures. If there is one thing I have learned from the book is to stop connecting completion time with relevance before we even start doing something.

“Most of us have two lives. The life we live, and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands Resistance.” -Steven Pressfield, The War of Art
April 20, 2020 1 comments
It wasn’t a good start of 2020 for me as I was hospitalised on the sixth day of the year. Although it made me fragile, I never stop praying for better days. And little did I know, many good things are about to happen a bit by bit for me this year.

This place has been a place for me to express my thoughts for the past six years. Though I write on blogger.com, one thing for sure is I never consider myself as a blogger. Not even once. Because I see myself as a storyteller and ordinary writer who loves to share her endless questions into words.

As I started writing a few years ago, I have my own vision where I want to be. Not only I want my blog to reach out to the world, but I also aspire to see myself grow in doing what I love. One of my dreams is to have my own column on The Star or NST. For anyone who likes to write, being a columnist in a newspaper is everything and not many can have that.

Whenever people ask me, what makes me persistent with my passion? I would gladly answer that I have always believed that my blog will take me somewhere later on. I don’t mind if people were scoffing if my hobby can take me further because it takes the right person to notice my talent.

To be honest, I never thought I would be a writer someday. I didn’t know that I could write informatively not until my English teacher told me I could write an article pretty well. If Ms Molly didn’t say that to me, most probably I am still clueless about what I could do in life.

I spent the first week of my semester break by listing out publication and journalism companies. Then, I applied, sent my resumes, told them a bit of my passion. I was hesitated at first, thinking if it’s the right time for me. I was aware that I only had a tiny chance for any part-time writer position because I didn't come from a journalism background. 

I waited for days. I kept checking on my phone just in case if any of them responded to my humble e-mail. Even though the chance for me to get replied is likely low but deep down inside I hoped they would notice my e-mail. One can never go wrong with hope.

Surprisingly, some of them replied and I was overwhelmed. One of the first who reached me out was Espoletta which I finally landed a job there. They set me a date for an interview because they wanted to know me better. I was contemplating to go at first, but I thought if I were to turn this one down. Then, perhaps I won't get the same chance again. I decided to give it a shot. The interview was fun, I was being myself the whole time.

One of the questions that I was able to recall was, "why do you keep doing what you love even though you’re taking something else?

You see, I get almost the same questions every time I talk about my passion. I don’t blame them for being sceptical but one should know it’s not always about gifted and talents. If you are willing to commit to doing something and you care less about what people say about you. Trust me, you are on the right track. Just hang on a little bit more because YOUR time will come. Mark my word.


My dad didn’t let me have a platform for me to write because he thought I would write nonsense things. But I did anyway, I signed up for blogger.com when I was 16 and keep on writing till this day. I didn’t know how my blog somehow gets to my aunty but I’m glad she did and obviously, she told my dad duh. I was scared at first, truly was! Alhamdulillah, my parents have been so supportive ever since. And to Mak Ngah, I know you are a silent reader to this platform, so if you are reading this, thank you for telling Babah that I didn’t write something rubbish on my blog.

I had my writing workshop last weekend and it was good to make some new friends who share the same passion as mine. Things were different back then, for you to be a writer in a magazine, you need to take journalism and that’s the law. However, it doesn’t work that way anymore these days. Sometimes in life, we got to grab the opportunity that comes rather than looking for what we desirably want or suits us best.

When I first signed the contract, it wasn’t because of the attractive payment offered but I wanted to build my career as a writer. Never underestimate the power of dreams because dreams will definitely bring you to the place where you want to be and should be. I knew it was the right time for me after seeing how supportive Babah is to my passion. I finally get the green lights, don’t I? Maybe the blessings from my parents have opened the doors for me to move forward.

And to my dearest readers (if I have any), thank you for spending time to read my meek post every time I posted one. I had to ask for my close friends' opinions each time I posted a new story because I was scared if it wasn't good enough. With that, shout out to these two - Sabrina and Zura, celebrate soon okay! I am a dreamer just like you, but what makes us different is, I work from zero in making my dreams into reality. And you should too.

No matter where life brings you, and whatever you do, do it with all love.


February 19, 2020 5 comments

January is definitely a hospital month for me, coming back and forth to Columbia and PPUM to take care of my grandmother who went through operation a few weeks ago. And now I have to include HKL in the list as well as my case got transferred there. I’d never imagined my condition would turn out that bad though.

Anyways, Hello February! I pray that everyone had a good start, if January didn’t do you justice, it’s okay because every new day brings with it another chance to change a life. It is never too late to start all over again.

My question is have you ever overwhelmed with how life revolves for and around you because I do. There are so many things can happen in a day, what more for weeks, months and years. Throughout all, whatever happened and whoever we bonded over the years or even for days will always teach us something.


Ever since I got sick on the early of January, I have got another Dr whom I know the relationship won’t simply end right away. Dr Tee has been making sure I am recovering as she put 200% in my progress, however, the reality is contrary to what it should be. I have no choice but my case has to be transferred to HKL which would be the first government hospital (GH) I would seek medical help.

As my dad is a dentist, so every doctor that my family goes to if any of us got sick is one of his friends or recommended by one of his friends. Perhaps you could imagine how it works for us, we get treatment from the doctor who was my father’s junior once let's say; or from his senior’s recommendation and whatnot.

What I’ll be writing today portrays the fruitful conversation I had with my Ophthalmologist last Friday. To make it short, Dr Gusa is an eye specialist who has been treating my family and I since forever. My grandfather was the first one who went to him, and our family relationship becomes closer ever since.

As I grow up, Dr Gusa would gladly talk about life with me that never failed to make me ponder. I remember, there was time I paid him a visit somewhere in 2018 during GE 14, and we exchanged our humble thoughts upon our political rule back then. I have always loved how he can talk about life, science, health and even religion with me.


Do you have a non-Muslim friend that you could talk and share about religion for the reason that we place our trust and have faith in God? Regardless which religion we practice, be it Islam, Hinduism, Christianity or Buddhism – I have learned that despite its diversity; our sole purpose of living is to fully devote and worshipping God.

Due to the latest outbreak, little did he know, I had predicted he would raise the topic to me and yes, he did. When I saw him last Friday he pointed out – we, people thought we can outdo God’s works which can be depicted with how politicians fight for supremacy, to have all the access to control the world, and not to forget, abusing the power which will eventually tear their own people apart.

He calmly continued; people are too engraved in accumulating wealth; the idea of having a lot of money in bank accounts instructs people have the right to do whatever they want to do and make it looks as if without money life is meaningless and worthless.

“So, what is the fuss of Coronavirus is all about?” He asked my mother and I.

We fight among ourselves over money, we fight among ourselves to be the ultimate front-runner, but then again, we forget that there is One who sees and controls everything that we do.

Dr Gusa persisted, “Now that God send the virus in a blink of an eye, and suddenly everyone is conscious and concerns about health. While people don’t even bother about it previously.”

He has a good point over there. Don’t you think so? 

Sick people may not always be unhappy, healthy people may not always be happy.

I have always envied how he put his faith in God, how He believes that God does His job in His own way and by what method he has confidence that only God decides the whole thing. What makes it impressive is that he is Indian. He once told me, doctors are not God, their abilities are limited, he could only help in medication but God decides to cure or not.

When someone non-Muslim tells me that kind of stuff, it snaps my heart. Not because he is Indian, but how his religion teaches him the same as mine. We might have different beliefs and cultures but we all were taught to devote ourselves to God. It was definitely one of the valuable insights I obtained that day.


With numerous natural disasters occurred in January, I am positive that God is trying to show something to us. In Islam, we are taught in al-Quran that Good and evil whatever happens in this world happen by Allah’s Will. He runs His universe the way He deems fit. 

Allah says in the Quran:

“No calamity occurs, except by the leave of Allah; and whosoever believes in Allah, He guides his heart. And Allah knows all things.”
Surah Al-Taghabun Verse 11

The famous Muslim philosopher, Imam Ghazali elaborates this very clearly:

We believe that He is the Willer of things that are, and of things that happen. There does not come about in the world, seen or unseen, little or much, small or great, good or evil, advantage or disadvantage, faith or unbelief, knowledge or ignorance, success or loss, increase or decrease, obedience or rebellion, except by His will. What He wills is, and what He wills not is not. Not a glance of one who looks or a slip of one who thinks is outside His will. He is the Creator, the Bringer back, the Doer of that which He wills. (A Short Creed of Imam Ghazali)

As Muslims, we believe that Allah is Wise and everything that Allah does is right, just, and fair. We must submit and surrender to His Will. He did not make this world a permanent one yet we are living in a temporary world where each one of us has a time limit. When the time comes, it dies and finishes. Neither the good things of this world are forever, nor the bad things eternal.

How much did we appreciate our lives and all the blessings that God gave us before disaster struck? Were we thankful for our health, our families, and the sustenance that God has given us? Did we realize that every moment of life is a gift, and an opportunity to draw closer to God? 

Both of the amazing specialists who have been treating me had worked in GH for years before they moved for private practice. They made me believed that I would get the best treatment in HKL later on in shaa Allah. My prayers to Allah SWT are to bless our medical officers, nurses and everyone who is working in the healthcare industry. Saving people’s lives indeed is the noblest job on earth and May Allah SWT grants them all the good things in life. Don't forget to wear face mask when you go out, drink a lot of water and stay safe wherever you are!

Believers face the sufferings with prayers, repentance and good deeds. The non-believers face the sufferings with doubts and confusions. They blame Allah or make arguments against Him. May Allah keep us on the right path. - Dr Muzammil Hj Siddiqi, Former President of the Islamic Society of North America


February 03, 2020 No comments

We are merely on page 12 of 2020 yet I had knocked out a few times already. It has been a tough term for me as I was admitted last Monday and literally spent the whole week in the hospital. I should have had warded longer but I had to sit for my final paper examination on Friday. Thank God Dr Tee let me discharged earlier because I was still recovering and I didn’t look fit enough to go home.

Being sick makes me realized that health is indeed one of the greatest blessings in life that even money can’t buy. I had been hospitalized due to severe rashes that turned out to be a bacterial infection by then. My whole body was literally red and itchy. I wasn’t admitted due to Influenza A as what some of my friends thought. 

I couldn't sleep on the first night because it was too uncomfortable and painful for me. I felt really sick inside and shivering for no reasons because the skin couldn't do its job well. I only managed to feel better after antibiotics injection was given to me. I had three antibiotics injection in 6 hours, pretty much indicate how severe I was.

Redness on my body slowly fades away with no steroids given, I felt less itchy and every hour seemed better and deep down inside would love to get discharge as soon as possible because I had to prep myself; mentally for the final examination.

I swear I was recovering a lot on the next day till my body made me surprised with itchiness in the middle of the night! Almost cried, because I knew I couldn't scratch as it would make it worse. I had to press the nurse button call so many times and alas, even nurses were helpless because meds given to me reached its daily maximum dosage.

You tell me how vulnerable I was.

I ended up doze off because I was exhausted of not being able to do anything to make myself feel comfy, or at least able to sleep with less pain. I had no choice but to wait for 5 in the morning for my next antibiotics injection or else I might overdose which obviously will lead to serious consequences.

The next day was the day I requested to be discharged, but sadly I couldn’t because my condition was still severe regardless of showing some improvements. Hence, the doctor stepped up her game and prescribed me with higher dozed because initial treatments weren’t responsive to my body.


That was when I broke down into tears because I wanted to recover instantly but the situation didn’t let me so. I started to overthink and couldn’t help myself but to feel so negative and I hated myself at that time.

Why do I have to go through this, I asked. To God.

Out of people, why it has to be me? I asked again. To God.

I cried.

Then, my good friend replied to one of my Instagram stories that sounded this way;

“You are doing great Sarah. Always remember, Allah doesn’t burden a soul beyond that he/she can bear”

I needed that; I swear. Perhaps it was the answers to the questions I had earlier.

Hope was all I ever wanted, I had enough of people saying for me to get well quickly because deep down I knew I won’t. Not anytime soon. Nevertheless, I am thankful that at least I am aware people care about me and still significant to some people’s lives.

The tablets prescribed made me sleepy most of the time hence making me sleep with notes on my hand. I would sleep two hours after I had my pills so it took me extra time to actually finish studying than I usually do.

I went through many blood tests throughout being hospitalized for three nights because Dr suspected skin cancer at first glance but Alhamdulillah the results concerning to any skin diseases; SLE, Connective Tissue and Psoriasis were negative.

What a relief. 
It could be worse but it didn’t. 

The last thing I ever imagined was probably to suffer or dying from cancer and I wouldn’t lie from the fact that I thought a lot of arwah Ella in the hospital.

I had good news. 

What was her feeling when the doctor broke her the sad news? How did she able to react so calmly and stayed positive the whole time. In all fairness, it’s been a year since she left us for good and I believe she is now in a better place. I truly hope she knows that there was never a day passed by I didn’t mention her in my prayers. Al-Fatihah.

My blood test was fine, my kidney was good, thyroid was normal, the heart does it jobs well, and unfortunately my liver didn’t look good as it should be.

No skin cancer, ok then what? Liver cancer? 
The exact expression I had in my mind at that time.

Then, my dermatologist calmly explained that I wasn’t allergically caused by food. Not even surprised because I have never ever been allergic to any food, seafood or cats. I know my body too well as I know what I eat, what I love and I don’t. So the rashes couldn’t be for the reason I had some delicious sambal udang and sambal sotong or even gulai ketam. 

I would cry a river if that triggered my rashes.


I happened to have excess (minor) fat in my liver or better called by non-alcoholic fatty liver disease (NAFLD) I was told that it normally found in overweight people but I am clearly not so doctor laughed as she said that. My ALT and AST ratio were high and even on my last day, the eosinophils increased compared to the previous blood test taken.

As for my liver, my enzymes couldn’t function well hence the rashes and itchiness. I was lucky because things could be worse if I didn’t get my skin irritations and infections last week. I wouldn’t know that my liver isn’t doing well. As doctor was explaining to my mum and I, she did ask, have I been experiencing any weight loss in these few months?

I said, yes but I thought it was normal because I didn’t eat that much since I love fasting and I usually climbed stairs to classes that are at level 10 or 12 whenever I was late. (blame those slow lifts at FSK6)

She said my body was already trying to say something but I assumed it was usual, then she explained; it doesn’t make sense for my weight falls to 42kg in a few weeks as I was always in the range of 45-46kg.

Since I am not allergic to food, perhaps it could be caused by Boba drinks, Starbucks, Cheesecakes, and everything that wasn’t healthy. I couldn’t lie that maybe I had too much Xing Fu Tang, Tealive and The Alley. You don’t know how many times my dad has had warned us all not to buy boba yet I still did because I couldn’t resist sebab sedap sangat.

But I have stopped from all these hypes drinks last month but I guess I am already too late lol.

Padan muka. Sudah terhantuk baru tengadah.

As for now, I am waiting for other blood tests results and I still have to go for check-ups. I would safely say I am recovering pretty well Alhamdulillah. My diet is 360 different nowadays as I am eating vegetables and fish in my daily dishes, more fruits and my mum is making me eat garlic every morning since I need to increase my immune system, hope it works in shaa Allah.

One for the memories.

I want to focus on my health so that my liver can function the way it was supposed to be again so please don’t ask me out at least for now. :p Is there even anyone wants to ask me out though. 

I have learned that even 8 glasses of plain water intake I drink everyday, yet not an assurance that I am good to go. I still need to control my fats intake even though I am normal because if I hadn’t been warded, I wouldn’t know my internal organ isn’t working fine. After what had happened, I seriously hope that I would able to reach my optimum weight which is 45kg. Moderation is what we should practice.

All these viral drinks and food are indeed delicious but they would affect us some ways silently.

Dr Tee even mentioned that one of the factors that I had NAFLD due to overly stressed that certain hormones couldn’t work properly hence the skin inflammation. She stressed out that I should take things to go the way it is, and shouldn’t think too much on something in the past or worrying about what the future holds for me. She reads my mind, and I wouldn’t deny the fact that I get stressed way too easily, 
even on tiny little things. 

Let go and let God, she said. 

I suddenly remember what I wrote on my the previous post, so I guess I didn’t walk the talk.

I honestly had no idea how stress could be dangerous to one’s body. I don’t even need to wait for diabetes to strike, even stress itself managed to make me warded. Crazy isn’t? And so, I hope by reading my humble story, I am able to instil a little consciousness to everyone not to overthink and worrying so much. We do have problems, but that doesn’t mean our bodies should be punished by skipping meals and sleep late for instance. I am certain sabr, relax and calm are the keys to coping with whatever challenges we are facing in lives.

I was blessed to be attended by Dr Tee, she was recommended by one of my dad’s close friend. She made sure I had the best treatment in Columbia. When I first met her, she suggested for me to a government hospital since the equipment there was perfect enough for my case but we didn’t and that’s because of my dad wanted me to be treated by her.

Even the nurses there said Dr Tee is a passionate specialist, so her patients are definitely in good hands. I thank God for every nurse who had helped me a lot throughout my days in Columbia, making sure I had my medicines on time without fail, giving me support to study and revising for FIN542, and assisted me patiently. I guess even thank you wouldn’t be sufficed.

How my bed looks like for 4 days.

The phrase “you are what you eat” is literally true and relatable with what I am going through at the moment. Everything starts from the inside, if you want to have healthy skin then starts eating something nutrients, and less oily food.

What is the purpose of living luxuriously if we are bound to consume bitter medicines for life and having hospital as your second home? We often forget that our health; physically and mentally- is the most significant thing and we should spend a lot of time taking care of it so that we can live a healthy and longer life. 

Thus, good health is indeed one of the greatest blessings of life and we shouldn’t overlook this beautiful blessing. One should cherish it now and then by taking special care of it.

Narrated by Ibn Abbas:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "There are two blessings which many people lose: (They are) Health and free time for doing good."

Source: Al-Bukhari

January 12, 2020 1 comments
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an old soul who lives in the 21st century. A place that I look to express what I feel and also my endless thoughts. I write more than 140 words and I share my stories in details so that if I miss those little moments I had, I can always read them again.

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